I’am awake.
I think.
I hope.
The dusty dim image still clings to my mind.
Old wooden door,
Mosiac glass square,
Prettyest thing in the house,
Hidding in the basment with me,
Turned on its side,
back to the wall.
I begin to consider why it was down there and not on display,
And thats the trick my mind plays.
Something so innocent,
A thought like a rope leading me out of my hellish memory,
This is also a villian dressed in heros attire,
Which turns to plunge me deeper into chaotic calm.
Daddy gives me gentle nudges,
And waking me feels his fingers for rings.
This was meant to be a poem,
I’m just trying not to scream.
Not So Merry Christmas
Hello again, it’s Unicorn Princess. I had intended to write out a beautiful recap of my happy holidays, but sitting here trying to add to my building rough draft felt wrong.
I did have a great Christmas up until yesterday. This year, our new house mates felt like real family, we laughed and ate and opened presents and for once I didnt feel out of place.
However, yesterday, christmas day, we decided to get a few last things we forgot from our old living space because we were in the area. As we pulled in and got out, the 3 large dogs usually running around outside, approached us, and the youngest one, a small black pup named Abby was limping.
I knelt down to pet her and see what was wrong and I smelt the heavy sick scent of infection befor I got a look. She had quite abit of leg missing, I mean atleast half of her leg was gone so you could see the muscle and bone. I asked one of the people outside what had happened, and he said, she got a cut and wont stop chewing on it.
The funny thing is, the other animals I saw (there are 5 dogs and 4 cats) all had new collars, and were fat. Abby was rale thin, and didnt have a collar.
Now its important here to explain that before we lived with these people, one of the dogs on her property was ours. Lets call him little brother, as we often did. I loved having him, but when I got him, the woman told me he would be small, which is what I wanted because Daddy and I worked a whole lot then. He grew to be taller than Keira, and he quickly started to destroy our apartment. While on vacation this lady who now has the wounded pup Abby, watched little brother, and her family fell in love. When it came time to make our decision to rehome little brother, she was quick to volunter to take him, and at the time I saw no signs of her neglecting animals or abusing them, so I let her have him so he could play in her big yard.
Abby, the injured pup, came from our current house mate N. Same situation. They voluntered when our house mate couldnt keep her. So, when we returned home from getting our things I told N. Its what I would want someone to do for little brother.
She called them immidiatly. They denied it being that bad. Said it was just a cut. Said we were exgaerating and just trying to start problems. They told her a vet was called, and the vet told them to just let it run its course and put Iodine on it, that the dog would chew off the infection. N asked them to bring the dog to her and she would take it to the vet, and they refused to hand the dog over.
So, this morning Daddy went with N to get Abby. She was taken to the vet, and we were told that shes 20 pounds under weight and this has been going on for atleast a month now. They let that poor puppy suffer for more than a month!
The vet also said her leg would have to be amputated, and between me, Daddy and N, we didn’t have the cash on hand. We took Abby home to let her eat while we tried to come up with a plan, and before we had it all figured out, the Vet called with good news. Some person who works with the Vet offered to not just pay for the surgery, but to take her in.
Were all so glad Abby has a good home and wont be going back there, but furious that she was treated so badly. Of course Daddy and I are currently in a firey argument over little brother, and if things work out he will also be rehomed soon as I no longer trust them to care for him.
All this so close to Keiras puppys being handed off to strangers has kinda ruined the christmas spirit in me. I don’t understand how people can be so cruel. Its your responsibilty to provide the best care for your furry family, and if you cant do that directly, its then your responsibility to give them to someone who can. If you can’t care for your animal, then you should offer them the chance at their best life.
Thats all for now. Wish us luck in getting little brother, and maybe the other animals out of that place.
U.P. ♡
Bread and Ornaments
Hello again, its U.P. ♡
I’m pretty open about myself usually, the people I live with know I’m a little, and most people that know me, know I’m Wiccan. When it comes to holidays, this confuses people, because I celebrate both Christmas, and Yule.
Why?
Because Christmas is a social holiday.
~gasp!~
No no. Christmas is celebrating Jesuses birthday!!
Says the uneducated Christian.
Actually theres a small chance that Jesus was born in december, I wont give the long explenation here, but feel free to look it up.
Christmas is actually mostly stolen traditions of Pagan ceremonies spread through out the world.
Now its dressed up in bows and most adults will tell you is a busy colorful time of year, and to me, Christmas is a social holiday which has less to do with Christianity, and more to do with a feeling of joy and good will we all share this time of year.
That being said, I celebrate Christmas with family and friends, I exchange presents, listen to christmas music, and put up decor.
I also celebrate Yule, however, Yule falls somewhere between December 20th, and the 23rd depending on the year.
So how do I celebrate Yule?
• When Kris and I have had our own home, we opted for a Yule tree, this was a large green tree, we made ornaments for and decorated.
• We use a Yule log, rarely to burn, but sometimes as a candle holder.
• I bake fresh breads and cookies.
• We make a list of our wildest dreams and share them.
• We place candles in our windows.
This is my religous holiday, routed in my beliefes. Both are equally important to me, and a lot of fun.
I have had christian family members and friends join in on my Yule traditions, some are even curious of the lore and want to know stories. This is so much fun for me, to share with them, the things that I’ve come to love.
So to anyone out there, that may live just on the edges of what the world considers normal, I just wanna say its ok. It will be ok. If what makes you happy, doesnt hurt anyone, and it wont cause you any pains to live it openly, then do just that. Those that are meant to stick with you, will stay. Never dull your light to save the sight of others.
Dr. Seuss said it best!
Bye bye for now U.P. ♡
Counting Down
Hello again, it’s U.P. ♡ Things are getting busy around here as Daddy and I, plus our house mates hurry to get last minute Christmas stuff done.
I’m so excited this year, Daddy and I made a little wall tree we put our out going presents under, cause our house tree is packed.
He got disney wrapping paper too!!
But all of our wrapping is done, and yesterday we stuffed the stockings. Look at mine and Daddys!!
I know the stockings don’t look like much, but it was a lot of fun to decorate our stockings and I would rather have fun decorating the 1$ stockings while in little space than to buy expensive pretty stockings we just hang on the wall.
Now were down to food, and today I start deep cleaning the house. Our house mates still working on finishing up christmas shopping, and we’re still trying to get Christmas cards out to family and friends.
On a side note, this year, Keira got to keep her tradition, and is sharing it with a new friend. See every year, we go to walmart and get one of the pet stockings filled with toys, and a big raw hide candy cane bone. We open the stocking early, depending on how many toys are inside, and she gets 1 toy everyday, then christmas morning she opens her bone while we open presents. This year, our house mates have a cat, lets call him S, and S has a stocking too! Its so much fun to include the animals, Keiras always excited this time of year whrn she sees the tree and things, and I think its because she gets included.
Bye bye for now! U.P.♡
A Puppy For Christmas
Hey, Its Unicorn Princess. Todays topic is serious. You should know this because I’ve used my full name.
Imagine…You get a small puppy, fresh from its litter where it had brothers and sister, a mommy, and a world that was safe and warm.
This puppy learns to love you, trust you, protect you. Pup makes its whole world around yours, what time you get up, what time you leave the house, where you sit. Pup learns the name you give it, and does what it can to make you smile..and still, through all this, you see just a dog.
I can’t comprehend it.
Daddy and I got a10 week old pitbull puppy 5 years ago, and yes..at first I thought of finding her a new home. I was working and going to school, Daddy was working a whole lot, neither of us had the time to train her properly, and she was destroying everything in our apartment.
Fortunatly, before I ever had the chance to look for her a new home, our sircumstances changed and I had the opportunity to be home with her 90% of the time. I will never regret the decisions I made when it comes to Keira. Shes one of the biggest blessings of my life.
She moved states with us twice, and back.
She was the ring barer at our wedding.
Went on half our honey moon with us, and even had her own special day to make up the week she was without us.
Shes lived in a car with us.
Stayed close by myside and was gentle with me after my car accident and surgery that had me down for 3 months.
Shes went to festivals with us.
Opens christmas presents with us.
And even has a little birthday party type thing every year.
This year Keira had her first litter of puppys. We didn’t plan it, but our working situation while in a hard spot made it diffcult to keep her seperate from our house mates dog.
I was terrified. I never really wanted her to have puppys, but she had never been left alone with a male while in heat for it to happen. I shouldn’t have been scared..I shouldn’t have to be worried.
A puppy is a gift. When I’m sad, my noodle gets close. When I’m in pain or sick she looks at me with clear sympathy, and an understanding that I rarely see in humans.
But, as I scrambled to find homes for her first and only litter of helpless pups, I cried.
I cried because I wanted to do applications. I wanted to meet these people, to know them and see the life that my grandpuppys would have.
I wanted them to be family pets, in warm homes, getting shots from the vet when vaccines were needed, leash trained and loved just like their mommy. However, from starting at 6 weeks, I only had 2 weeks after to find them homes. I was nervous and reluctant to hand them off, and awkwardly asked to stay in touch with them so I could see how they grew.
All in all it was a heart wrenching experince. One I never want to repeat. Needless to say, Keira will be fixed, and any fur babys I have in the future will be also. So if you get a puppy this Christmas, please…take a moment to look into your new family members eyes. Regardless of what religion says, there is a soul living in that energetic hair covered body. A soul that from this moment on will love you in a way no human ever could. Cherish that.
Rant End.
Farewell U.P. ♡
My Wolf Daddy (A Poem Thingy)
Let me live here,
In this safe place,
For a few hours,
Or a day,
Whatever we can take.
Let me be noisy,
And pouty too,
Because big me thinks being sad,
Should be hidden from view.
Let me wear your big shirt,
And sit in your lap,
Let me hold onto trappings of childhood,
And maybe take a nap.
I can’t tell you how much I live for little space,
How I wait for it,
And dream of it,
Especially on bad adult days.
To sit with my Shiba,
And not need to think,
Not obses over mistakes or tasks still far away.
Here with your hand tucked around mine,
I can be the kid I couldn’t be when it was my time,
I can be loud and obnoxious,
And ask for a snack,
I can be silly and happy,
And no one gets mad.
For this Daddy,
I thank you a whole lot,
For the happy days and sad days,
For giving it all you’ve got.
I hope I make you proud,
Cause you sure do me,
I just wanted you to know you mean the world to your bratty baby.
A Scrooge in Comparison (Some seasonal rambling)
Hey hey! It’s me again U.P. ♡ Soo..if you didn’t read one of my previous posts about The Christmas Crazy, then let me explain…
I live for Christmas. Even before being a little, its my favorite time of year. I love the music, the colors, decorating and baking. I love buying and wrapping presents. I adore the whole season, and usually wear it proudly from November first to january first. Soooo…I can sometimes make Daddy look like a scrooge, but he isn’t really.
Christmas for me has mixed memories both happy and sad. Until I was almost 5, I didn’t really associate with my dads side of the family, so our Christmases were quiet and small. Once I started to go to my grandmothers I loved it..sort of. My gramma does Christmas big, her house has always been the center of holidays. Living there, gave me the opportunities to join in on Christmas activities, like carroling, baking, wrapping, christmas movies and of course the big christmas eve get together!
However, my gramma..was always one for a good show. The tree we got to help decorate always made me feel inadequate because she was so worried about the ornaments being placed just right. Baking and wrapping were just the same, she needed perfection and as a kid, I wasn’t able to give this. My gramma also had a habit of taking all the grandkids out to pick out their presents, then taking them home to wrap them. So..it wasnt much of a suprise to open them.
As an adult, I think my favorite thing about Christmas, is that I can do it my own way, and I can be sure that everyone gets to enjoy it, in their own way. Daddy really helps with this..as I’ve come to realize that in little space..when I color..it isn’t always pretty..or spelled right.
Guess what though? He still hangs my pictures up right next to the pretty ones I do as an adult. Our singing is loud, off key, some times yelled more than sang..But its fun. My cookies and cakes are messy, but he loves them too.
My advice this holiday season? Let your kids participate. Don’t hold them to a standard you set for yourself, be proud when family comes to see the oddly shaped wreaths, and your kids will think the world of themselves because of it.
Ok..thats all.
Bye bye for now!! U.P. ♡
Weekly Movie Reviews
Hello Hello! It’s U.P. ♡ Today I wanna do 2 movie reviews, one for big me, and the other for little me. Daddy and I love watching movies, even when I’m not in little space. Our favorite genre is horror, so if I continue these reviews, be prepared for lots of that!
I wanna start with one of my favorite adult movies
Dead Silence
The 2007 movie stars Ryan Kwanten, who loses his wife in the very begining, and returns to his small hometown to investigate the creepy ventriliquist doll who showed up the night of his wifes murder. Hes quickly plunged into the twisted secrets surrounding Mary Shaw and her dolls, and the towns conspiracys surrounding it.
I love this movie so much, and trust me, it has all the hair raising spooky scenes that make you turn on all the lights.
I’d give this movie ☆☆☆ alll 3 stars.
For my little space, a favorite is
The Care Bears Movie
This is an animated family movie that came out in 1985, and still speaks a really strong message, that having support and open arms can make all the difference to someone facing a problem. The movie fallows a group of magic bears who help two siblings learn to accept friendship again, all while trying to save another troubled boy from a dark foe.
Ok so I didn’t do the movie justice with my breif description, its amazing! I loved it as a child, and in little space, a zone out to all the soft colors and happy music.
Definatly 3 stars ☆☆☆
DDLG Youtube Finds
HAAAAAIIII!! Its U.P.♡ remember me?
So today I wanted to share one of my new favorite Youtubers, milkwebs. I’ve been spending quite abit of time watching her videos, and as always when I find someone new I like on youtube, I go back to the beginning of their videos.
My favorite videos so far, are the bed time stoey book readings, and I think its an amazing idea. I love them personally because I have a hard time falling asleep, and Daddy does not..So If I can’t fall asleep, I put my head phones in and watch one.
If you’re intrested, please go to the Link section and click on any of the links Under milkwebs bedtime reading.
Talking to Daddy (Communication in DD/LG)
Hi! U.P. ♡ is back again to share more mindless babble.
Today I wanted to lay one of my biggest flaws out for you all. Talking. I mean..I can write out a huge heart felt letter and usually get my point across, but when it comes to talking with Daddy face to, to face I struggle big time.
I think a large part of this is my own anxiety..I get to caught up in not wanting to hurt his feelings, or making sure my words are in order so it all comes out perfect, or the facial expressions I’m making, the list goes on. I just cant get out of my head, and I get shy, then quiet..and I end up wanting to be alone where I’ll disect every silabel and try to edit it all in my head.
This is something I’m working very hard on, because one of the most important parts of any BDSM relationship is communication. This goes beyond play, past rules, and begins with what you both want, the basics you need from this relationship.
Here are 3 ways my nervous talking impact Daddy and I.
◇Because we live together, adult life can twist its way into our Daddy-Little time. When I’m in little space, sometimes a random thought pops its way into his head, like a question or something from work..And I’m kinda pulled out of little space when I need to answer. This happened a few times, and I always felt conflicted, I was both upset about having fun interupeted, and guilty that as my husband he couldn’t just have a conversation with me when he wanted to. Instead of communicating this and talking it out, I let it fester for over a month until I decided to put off little space all together.
◇As big me, I don’t like to cuddle much. I often find myself to self concious of how heavy I might be, or feeling trapped if someone lays on me. As little me, I love to be all over Daddy, and I’m usually to distracted by whatever were doing or watching to pay attention to how I’m sitting or laying on him. He didn’t know this until recently.
◇Making decisions. I know, that one seems silly, hes Daddy, hes supposed to make decisions right? Well, he does..about meal times, bed times and the big things..But when I’m big me, I spend a lot of time making decisions, and I think on them way to much. As little me, I’m very indecisive..And I get nervous when I gotta make even little decisions, simple things like what cartoons to watch, which picture I wanna color, and even what I wanna wear. It can make me..sort of grumpy when I cant decide because I get frustrated with myself. Daddy didn’t know, and often got a little frustrated from asking me what was wrong, which I also had a hard time explaining.
Those are just a few examples, but of course there are more. So, knowing I have this issue, I’m working hard on doing better with it, and these are the ways I’m doing that.
□Weekly Talks with Daddy
□Making a list in my phone when I think of something so I dont get lost in my head and can focus when we talk
□Making a Daddy journal for him to read and reply in when I’m finding it really hard to talk.
I’m not sure if this might help anyone, but if it does, please let me know.
Bye bye for now, U.P. ♡
BigMeLittleMe 